Contemplation, getting in shape, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women

Arguments with the Crazy Lady

The alarm went off at 7am.  That’s not too early for many people but for the crazy lady, it was way too early.  I lay in bed and my body is begging me to get up and get moving but the crazy lady in my head wants to know what the hell is going on.  Twenty minutes, we argued for twenty minutes.

Finally, I rolled out of bed and got onto the elliptical.  That’s when the arguing finally stopped but only because, thanks to many mornings of marching 3 miles in the cold and the dark-thank you Air Force training, I learned to walk in my sleep.  My body was happy because we were finally accomplishing the number one goal of the month and the crazy lady was happy because she went back to sleep.

I will have to use the machine for many days.  My driving schedule gets me out the door not too long after the sun has risen and I don’t get home until after it is dark or very near to dark.  This is the Hoosier National Forest.  There are big cats, wolves, coyotes, vampires, Sasquatch and the like in these woods, I’m no fool.  Not to mention, it’s freaking cold outside now.  Turns out, I like walking in my shorts and tank top when it’s 18 degrees outside.

Twenty minutes into the workout my husband was out of bed and rounded the corner of the living room to look at me with raised eyebrows.  I said “good morning” and he smiled and walked into the kitchen to start the coffee brewing.  He returned a few minutes later and  asked me if I wanted some lights.  As he was reaching for a lamplight, I told him no.  He just shrugged and walked back into the kitchen.

Five times the sun has risen since that first argument.  Three days of the five, we had a big difference of opinion as to what was supposed to be happening at 7am.  But I did it.  I got up every morning and did my exercise.  I cannot honestly say that I have lost any weight, it’s only been five days, but I can say that maybe, just maybe, I am becoming a morning person.

I will not be able to skip a day in my routine.  I am wired to quit and say ” later, I can do this later”.  I am trying to change my inner dialog, trying to become a morning person.  I find that starting my day with a brisk 30 minute walk has helped my mentality.  I do more, think faster, engage easier.  I still need my coffee but I can talk before I take the first sip…talk and make sense.  That’s new.  I work all day, get my reports done after dinner, meditate in the mornings, journal as I need to.  This might actually be working for me.

I think that the crazy lady will always object, she is definitely a night owl.  We don’t argue at night, about bed time.  I am usually up until midnight or later.  I think, for now, I will pick my battles carefully and not complain too much about needing to get to bed earlier.

My alarm is set.  My projects are lined up for completion.  My business is getting pushed into the front of my “to-do” list.  I will get up a little earlier than I used to and get on the elliptical machine and walk for a while.

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Contemplation, Life, Me, Native American Women

I got this…..

When we were young we did crazy things. We tried new things. Sometimes we were really excited about what we were up to and sometimes we were just a bundle of nerves hoping the outcome was just a little bit successful.

I say these things because I am here again, although not nearly as young as I would like to be. Mostly I am excited but my nerves are starting to vibrate.

I can honestly say that I make my own decisions and I know this so I know that whatever comes of my choices now are of my own doing. I cannot help but hope that this does not turn out like my first meatloaf, as small as a pound of butter but weighed as much as a brick of gold…it was so bad we could not eat it and in those days we ate anything. Of course, I was not alone in that creation nor was I a cook and I am happy to say that over the years I have improved my cooking skills and these days my meatloaf is quite tasty.

The toughest choice I have ever had to make in my life I made in fear. Years later, looking back at the course of my life, if asked, I can answer that my only regret being that I did not give myself enough credit. I was stronger than I thought at that time but I was young. Had I chosen the other road, I would have been just fine. Hindsight being 20/20 and all that.

I have been working on this manifestation stuff, like most people I know, needing more money than I have. Out of the blue my caseload doubles. Well, the opportunity was presented to me, excited and scared I said yes. As the poster child for the Procrastinators of America there is potential here for some real disaster. As a master manifestor-in-training…this will be interesting to say the least as I am sure that my paperwork did not just double, I think it quadrupled.

I just need to remember now that I am stronger than I give myself credit for and that having taken this particular road, I will be fine…I got this!

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getting in shape, Life, Me, Uncategorized

The Battle Continues

OK…so now it has been two weeks since I started planning to run again.  I can honestly say that my planning is going quite well.  I have not, however, bothered to hit the road yet.  I did find my running shoes.  I was examining them to ensure that they were fit to carry me again and discovered that a flying squirrel had decided at some point that they made perfect storage units for stolen dog food.

I have also continued to work on quitting smoking.  I have not quit yet but I am beginning to not like smoking.  I think that is a great step that needed to be taken.  At least this time around planning to quit does not involve hiding cigarettes for later (for emergencies).  Another positive step.

I have been looking into a couple of apps for my phone to help me motivate and decided that it was much more trouble than I was willing to tackle, not that downloading apps is an issue but relying on them for each run just seems to be a lot of trouble.  I started reading a book about running and bought myself an ipod-holder-thingy so that I can take my tunes with me.  My next goal is to find my ear buds so I can listen to those tunes.  Could I buy a new set?  Yes, but I know I have some around her somewhere and I might possibly lose my procrastination license if I do not spend at least a week looking around the house for them.

Our oldest child came down with his family to spend some time during Father’s Day weekend.  He has managed to run the mini in Indianapolis for the last two years.  I took some time to talk with him about motivation and running routines.  He is younger than I but only by 13 years (yeah, I married an old guy the second time around) so I still have this image of myself being able to run.  He agrees and I feel much encouraged by his confidence in me.

I am dealing with some guilt and I am dealing with some fear.  Knowing that I can run and that I should run keep the gears turning in my head.  Managing my schedule to open some time is the obstacle I face today.

“You have time to sit and write….what’s the hold up?”  Good question, I wish I could say that I had a good answer.  I will use work as an excuse for now and keep on working on getting my feet on the pavement again.

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