Tag Archives: Job

Contemplation, Family, getting in shape, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women, Nature, running

One Month Later…

One month later.  I’m still at it.  I either walk or run/walk six mornings each week.  I still take one day off each week.  I don’t have a set day because of my crazy work schedule.  It’s the day that I have to leave to early to get a workout in before I have to go.  I still don’t like to get up in the mornings to workout.  I’m still not a morning person.

Oh, I try to make excuses.  My feet hurt, my ankle is twingy, my knees are sore.  I still go.  I really am proud of myself for keeping at it.  I write tonight because I already don’t want to get up in the morning and workout before I leave for a full day of meetings with 150 miles to drive, but I’ll get up.  It’s run day, so I will run.

I did add the second half of the course.  I was run/walking 1.57 miles each time and now I am up to the full 3.1 miles.  I thought I would give myself a week or so to acclimate to that distance but, who am I kidding.  It isn’t that far.  One day of running it and one day of walking it, my body knows what to do.

I’ve started buying the equipment.  You know, the arm band to hold my phone.  I am tired of a sweaty phone case because I have shoved it into the shoulder strap of my top.  I have added at least three pair of shoes my wish list.  I will have to get the warmer gear out soon.  I think I have at least a week of time left before I have to start dressing for much cooler weather.  I don’t mind that little nip in the air for running, for now.

I am having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the later sunrise and earlier sunset.  I don’t like the idea of running in the dark.  It isn’t like the city, where lights are everywhere.  No, this is the sticks, a yard light or two, some porch lights, then darkness.  It’s a quiet area, people wise.  It is a very active area for wild life.  I see foxes, deer, I hear coyotes, and owls.  Thankfully it is getting too cold for snakes to be out in the early morning, but you never know at this time of year.  And, let’s not talk about other people’s dogs that may or may not be leashed.  I will probably just stay inside to “run” on the elliptical unless it is a day that I don’t have to leave to early.  I’m not afraid of the dark, just the critters that roam the night.

I am already planning the workouts for the deep cold.  Walking won’t be a problem but I don’t know about running in really cold weather.  I’m not that addicted.  I don’t think that I will be by deep winter either.

I am thinking it is also time to start adding some weight training. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have time.  It has been a process to add time to walk and to run.  Now I have to figure out how to add that critical weight training.  I have to figure out the time.  I still don’t want to be a morning person, but right now, it is the most logical time to lift.  After work I have reports to write and a husband to spend time with so after work isn’t an feasible option for me.

Okay, now to rest.  I still don’t want to get up early and run….

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Contemplation, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women, Nature, Writing

56 Bottles of…

I’ve been having a really hard time of things this week.  Winter does that to me from time to time.  I have claimed to be of the Bear clan.  Winter can be quite confusing.  My mind racing some days and other days, I just not sure who I am.  I eat too much, want to sleep to much.  The earth is supposed to be at rest right here in my neck of the woods, but some days, it isn’t.  Even this little bit of writing just looks like a jumble of words to me tonight.

I have had some clearer moments this week.  The cold does that to me, as well.  I see better when the cold kills the pollution in the air.  I watched some geese flying south.  I thought for a minute, how strange it was to see geese flying so late in the season.  Not that winter is half-way gone or anything…but if I were a goose, I think I would have high-tailed it to the beach long before mid-January.  The squirrels have been crazy-busy.  All those black walnuts I painstakingly raked out of my yard are now being dug up, from the middle of the yard, and spirited away to hidey-holes.  With all this activity I am not surprised at every new announcement of snow storms approaching.  Reminds me of that joke about the weatherman predicting a bad winter, because he saw the Indians cutting lots of fire wood…and the Indians cutting lots of fire wood, because the weather man predicted a bad winter….the announcements for the weather come way before either, said the geese and the squirrels.

The hills, now with bare trees looks like some old man’s balding head.  His hair sticking straight up and his scalp all white since the first snows fell.  I see houses out in the woods that I had not seen since last winter.  I wonder what those folks think when they see cars rolling up and down the highway, that they hadn’t seen since last winter.

I completed two video “how to” courses this month.  I have some webinars to attend…maybe that’s part of my problem, it feels like I have physically done something, but I haven’t.  I’ve only missed one day of work due to bad roads, but it feels like I haven’t been in a long time.  OK, so maybe it’s just the cold weather, bad roads and sitting in the house for several days.

And then there’s the 56…in a couple of weeks I won’t be 55 anymore.  I’m not sure what to do next.  I’ve never been here before.  It’s not time to retire, but I’m no spring chicken.  I love my job, I hate my job, there are so many things to do, and I don’t want to do anything.  It’s a strange mood.  I begin to understand how some of my ADHD friends feel all the time, minds jumping around from one thing to another.  They seem to handle it better than I have been.  This winter seems to be making me a bit crazy.  My upcoming birthday seems to have done the same.

Truth be told, I’ve been “a bit crazy” for a long time, I just don’t think I noticed it, or at least I haven’t admitted it to myself.  How many days until spring?  Perhaps by then my mind, my thoughts, my everything will have settled and I won’t be so…whatever this is.

 

 

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Contemplation, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women, Uncategorized

Lost

I am lost.  I wasn’t before.  Before I knew exactly where I was.  I wasn’t happy, haven’t been happy for a couple of years.  I was consoling myself with dreams and it just isn’t working for me anymore.

Let me explain.  I hate my job.  It was fun for awhile but it has been 16 years…it’s not fun anymore.  I have time in that earns me 6 weeks of vacation a year but I can’t use it.  When you run in a department that is one person deep, there is no one who can take your place if you take time off.  People used to help me, but now everyone knows that I do a lot, much more than they believed, so now no one really wants to cover my caseload.  I will finish this year like so many others…with time I cannot use and don’t get paid for.

I wrote a resume.  I haven’t had to do that for a long, long time.  Thank God for my daughters, who sent me copies of theirs.  I had good examples to follow. The resume has changed a good bit since the last time I used one.  Now I get to decided how to “get myself out there”.  Lost.

I have been dealing with depression, anger, loneliness.  I try to keep my head up.  I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice when I speak to people in the company, but it’s hard.  I don’t mean to sound hateful.  I just don’t think this is the job I want to do anymore.

In a month, will I change my mind?  I don’t know.  I really don’t know.  My formal education is not so impressive, to people who just read resumes.  I am old now.  I worry about changing but not improving.  I don’t like this feeling.

I am working now, on me…again.  I will sit back and look in the mirror.  I will see if I like what I  see or not.  I will change what I need to change so that I like what I see when the mirror looks back at me.  It’s all I know to do.  No one can fix this but me.  No one can decide if I am lost or not but me.

 

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