Category Archives: getting in shape

Contemplation, Family, getting in shape, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women, Nature, running

One Month Later…

One month later.  I’m still at it.  I either walk or run/walk six mornings each week.  I still take one day off each week.  I don’t have a set day because of my crazy work schedule.  It’s the day that I have to leave to early to get a workout in before I have to go.  I still don’t like to get up in the mornings to workout.  I’m still not a morning person.

Oh, I try to make excuses.  My feet hurt, my ankle is twingy, my knees are sore.  I still go.  I really am proud of myself for keeping at it.  I write tonight because I already don’t want to get up in the morning and workout before I leave for a full day of meetings with 150 miles to drive, but I’ll get up.  It’s run day, so I will run.

I did add the second half of the course.  I was run/walking 1.57 miles each time and now I am up to the full 3.1 miles.  I thought I would give myself a week or so to acclimate to that distance but, who am I kidding.  It isn’t that far.  One day of running it and one day of walking it, my body knows what to do.

I’ve started buying the equipment.  You know, the arm band to hold my phone.  I am tired of a sweaty phone case because I have shoved it into the shoulder strap of my top.  I have added at least three pair of shoes my wish list.  I will have to get the warmer gear out soon.  I think I have at least a week of time left before I have to start dressing for much cooler weather.  I don’t mind that little nip in the air for running, for now.

I am having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the later sunrise and earlier sunset.  I don’t like the idea of running in the dark.  It isn’t like the city, where lights are everywhere.  No, this is the sticks, a yard light or two, some porch lights, then darkness.  It’s a quiet area, people wise.  It is a very active area for wild life.  I see foxes, deer, I hear coyotes, and owls.  Thankfully it is getting too cold for snakes to be out in the early morning, but you never know at this time of year.  And, let’s not talk about other people’s dogs that may or may not be leashed.  I will probably just stay inside to “run” on the elliptical unless it is a day that I don’t have to leave to early.  I’m not afraid of the dark, just the critters that roam the night.

I am already planning the workouts for the deep cold.  Walking won’t be a problem but I don’t know about running in really cold weather.  I’m not that addicted.  I don’t think that I will be by deep winter either.

I am thinking it is also time to start adding some weight training. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have time.  It has been a process to add time to walk and to run.  Now I have to figure out how to add that critical weight training.  I have to figure out the time.  I still don’t want to be a morning person, but right now, it is the most logical time to lift.  After work I have reports to write and a husband to spend time with so after work isn’t an feasible option for me.

Okay, now to rest.  I still don’t want to get up early and run….

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Contemplation, getting in shape, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women, running

Pride, Dignity, and Grace

You’ve heard the old adage, fake it til you make it?  Yeah, that how I live my life.  I’ve yet to have a job that I knew how to do until I was hired and trained.  Everything I did at those jobs, I learned as I went.  I totally faked it until I made it.

Is that a bad thing?  I think not.  What’s the secret to faking it while you take the time to make it?  Pride, dignity, and grace are my secret.  How I look.  Win, lose, or draw is often not as important as how I look as I go.  Faking it, making it look good until I can really do a thing, making it.  Easy peasy.

I was running the other day, I do that now….and I realized that my posture sucked.  My head was down, my arms were limp, my breathing was ragged, and my legs were barely moving.  Fake it, lift my head up.  Fake it, pull my shoulders back.  Fake it, breathe evenly, count three breaths in, three breaths out.  Fake it, see that line painted on the road and make my feet hit that line every time.  Fake it, stretch my stride just one more inch.

Pride, head up.  Dignity, shoulders back.  Grace, feet flowing across the ground.

Next thing I knew, I was half a mile down the road.  So it seems that I am still faking it until I make it.  What I have learned over the years that is that no matter what, I will look good while I am doin it…whatever “it” is.

As you drive past me, you will think “wow, I wish I could run like her”.  I will finish the race, eventually.  I will look good while I am running.  You will not know how hard I have to work to look like I am a natural, or to look like I run miles and miles every single day.  I will know how hard this is, I will know about those beginning steps, I will know just how fake it was until I made it.

I still have 1.5 miles to add to my run.  I still have 1 minute and 15 seconds to shave off my mile splits to reach my goal.  I will still use pride, dignity and grace to reach my goal.

5K—>I got you!

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Contemplation, Family, getting in shape, Life, Me, Native American Women

I Did A Thing…

I had a  very hard summer.  I lost a lot of weight, I was hospitalized, I have to use insulin now, I gained some weight back, and I finally had to give up sugar, yes, a very hard summer.  But summer is coming to a close.  The wonder of fall is about to begin.  I’m tired.

I know that in addition to having to lose weight I also need to get physical exercise.  I can walk or step or lift weights, or all of the above.  I hadn’t started doing anything and I was getting restless.

Dropping 50lbs wasn’t hard, just hard on my body.  I’ve never been dehydrated before, it wasn’t fun.  I gained back 15lbs once all my cells could function again.  I didn’t realize how sick I had let myself become.  Still, I needed to do something physical.

Out of the blue one evening, my daughter called and informed me that she had signed up to run her first 5K.  I was impressed!  I thought it was about time to start walking but could I actually run again?  I haven’t run for about 15 years and I am 57 now.  I thought about it a couple of days and decided to join her.  I signed up for my first 5K run.

I have until April 2020 to get my self into shape.  I downloaded an app…hahaha, ain’t that the way of it.  I decided that the app was going to be too slow for me.  I push too hard sometimes and so I just jumped in, all by myself.  I’ve been a distance runner before, surely I can do it again.

I chose interval training, you know, some walking and then some jogging.  So far it is working well.  I have a 15:45 mile going.  My goal is 14:29 or less per mile.  I am not running the entire time, yet.  I’m not even up to a full 3.1 mile course.  So far,  1.57 miles a day has been it.  I’m lazy.  I set my alarm everyday, like I’m going to really jump up and start moving….a girl can dream.

I usually get up about half an hour after the alarm.  I let the dogs out, feed the cat and then put my shoes on.  One day I walk the entire course, the next day I do the interval training.  Most days my eyes are still half closed as I take my first few steps.  I gripe, internally, for the first 5 minutes.

I started lengthening my stride.  I don’t take those little baby steps as I slowly jog along.  Now I am taking actually running strides.  I’m proud of that.  Oh, I don’t run far with that stride, but I do run now.

I will be 58 when this race happens.  As always, I want to look good as I cross the finish line, no matter what my final time will be.

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Contemplation, getting in shape, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women

Arguments with the Crazy Lady

The alarm went off at 7am.  That’s not too early for many people but for the crazy lady, it was way too early.  I lay in bed and my body is begging me to get up and get moving but the crazy lady in my head wants to know what the hell is going on.  Twenty minutes, we argued for twenty minutes.

Finally, I rolled out of bed and got onto the elliptical.  That’s when the arguing finally stopped but only because, thanks to many mornings of marching 3 miles in the cold and the dark-thank you Air Force training, I learned to walk in my sleep.  My body was happy because we were finally accomplishing the number one goal of the month and the crazy lady was happy because she went back to sleep.

I will have to use the machine for many days.  My driving schedule gets me out the door not too long after the sun has risen and I don’t get home until after it is dark or very near to dark.  This is the Hoosier National Forest.  There are big cats, wolves, coyotes, vampires, Sasquatch and the like in these woods, I’m no fool.  Not to mention, it’s freaking cold outside now.  Turns out, I like walking in my shorts and tank top when it’s 18 degrees outside.

Twenty minutes into the workout my husband was out of bed and rounded the corner of the living room to look at me with raised eyebrows.  I said “good morning” and he smiled and walked into the kitchen to start the coffee brewing.  He returned a few minutes later and  asked me if I wanted some lights.  As he was reaching for a lamplight, I told him no.  He just shrugged and walked back into the kitchen.

Five times the sun has risen since that first argument.  Three days of the five, we had a big difference of opinion as to what was supposed to be happening at 7am.  But I did it.  I got up every morning and did my exercise.  I cannot honestly say that I have lost any weight, it’s only been five days, but I can say that maybe, just maybe, I am becoming a morning person.

I will not be able to skip a day in my routine.  I am wired to quit and say ” later, I can do this later”.  I am trying to change my inner dialog, trying to become a morning person.  I find that starting my day with a brisk 30 minute walk has helped my mentality.  I do more, think faster, engage easier.  I still need my coffee but I can talk before I take the first sip…talk and make sense.  That’s new.  I work all day, get my reports done after dinner, meditate in the mornings, journal as I need to.  This might actually be working for me.

I think that the crazy lady will always object, she is definitely a night owl.  We don’t argue at night, about bed time.  I am usually up until midnight or later.  I think, for now, I will pick my battles carefully and not complain too much about needing to get to bed earlier.

My alarm is set.  My projects are lined up for completion.  My business is getting pushed into the front of my “to-do” list.  I will get up a little earlier than I used to and get on the elliptical machine and walk for a while.

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Contemplation, Cooking, getting in shape, journaling, Life, Me, Native American Women, Writing

Skinny Me

Ha!  Skinny me, my ass.  I am on the Keto diet these days.  I am actually losing weight.  I really don’t miss the bread.  Twice this week my husband had made cookies, chocolate chip and monster cookies.  I would like to say that I am mad, but I am not.  Over all, it has not been bad. But for the last two days I haven’t been able to hit my protein and fat macros.  Getting to the carb macros has been easy since I can only have 15 carbs a day.

I am thinking that for the next week I need to add a lot of salad.  I feel the need to add to more fiber.  Tomorrow will be tough.  It is time for a woman’s sweat and there will be women, so there will be food.  I will have to prepare my food ahead of time to stay on track.  I did ok today with pork rinds and beef sticks…can you imagine, pork rinds and beef sticks for breakfast/lunch?  Wow.

I have been tracking my ketones and I have been steady in Ketosis for the last two  weeks.  I think that if I weren’t seeing any results then I would just quit.  But I am seeing stuff happen.  This is exciting for me.  My body has excess ketones, my blood sugar has dropped dramatically, my weight is dropping (more slowly than my daughters) but dropping, nonetheless.  I am off both diabetic meds, one I have been on for years.  Yep, exciting.

I have started exercising, kind of…I am raking leaves and walnuts out of the yard.  There are 14 walnut trees in our yard, there are a lot of walnuts.  But, it is burning some calories.  I haven’t had a pop since Oct 1st.  I haven’t had a slice of bread since Oct 1st.  I am even starting to be OK with the stevia in my coffee in the morning.  Ever heard of Zevia?  It is pop with stevia in it.  No calories, not carbs but it tastes like diet pop, I hate it.

Maybe tomorrow won’t be too tough.  I cannot tell you how many times I just wanted to pull into a fast food drive thru today, but didn’t.  I was hungry.  I hated that I didn’t have time to eat breakfast at home.  Friday’s suck for me with all the work requirements I have.  I just can’t convince myself to get out of bed before 7am and by the time I wake up and have a coffee, write a few reports and fax them out the where they are supposed to go, it is time to leave and there I am, heading out the door without proper nourishment.  I need to plan the better.

Sometimes I do just sit around and dream about the old days and I wonder if  you can make a decent frybread with almond flour….cloud frybread?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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getting in shape, journaling, Life, lifecoaching, Me, Native American Women, Writing

Jump rope

It’s been quite awhile since I sat down to write anything.  I have been missing the easy thought flow of just getting things off my chest.  I have missed many opportunities in the past few months because I was just so often, too tired.

I am tired still, but have determined to start writing again, even just a few words to let out some of the angst built up inside….out.

I have been reading…that’s a good thing.  Even if I haven’t written things down, I am still filling my head with all sorts of stuff, sci-fi fantasy, murder mystery, psychology…you know, just the basics.

Then I picked up a “program”.  I still struggle with getting older, fatter, slower.  I still dread going to see my doctor since after the age of 50 it seems that every time I go, there is something else wrong with me.  I cannot tell you how much that pisses me off….just when you really start to figure things out, your whole body starts falling apart.

What to do, what to do?  I started using essential oils.  My house now officially smells of way too much hippy, but I feel better.  I take some great supplements and my mind is sharper, my heart stronger, my immune system stronger.  These are good things.  Not a bad start.  I have been using the oils for a year now, the supplements for about six months.

Today I added more supplemental stuff.  I have to say “stuff” because I cannot find the proper place to put a really thick, very dark green chocolaty coconut flavored…drink?  It’s very weird.  Almost yucky but kind of yummy kind of drink.  I have been sipping on it for any hour now.  I just need to bite the bullet and get it all down so I can get to bed.  New things tend to take me a minute to process.

My biggest procrastination for the past two months has been exercise.  I have such good intentions….

I have even gone to far as to use some bullet journaling techniques to put a little calendar in my “my physical me” journal to track my chosen exercise program.  It’s been in there for two months and so far, I haven’t started filling it out.  April and May…blank.

Honestly, I was scared.  Sometimes my eyes are bigger than my stomach and my minds’ eye holds a picture of a thing that is no longer possible.  I was scared of what would really happen if I went ahead and started my program.  Being 55 is hard work.

Picture this: a 20 year old active duty Airman, holding on to 125lbs for over 5 years, feeling really good about everything, heading out to the gym and working out for an hour or so with no breaks and actually walking out like “this is how the world is supposed to work”.  Yes, that was me, 35 years ago.  My heroes were people like Muhammed Ali, Joe Frazier, Sugar Ray.  Boxing was as much an art to me as a sport.  I loved watching those guys’ workouts as much as I loved watching them in the ring.

I did not use the heavy bag or the speed bag…I wasn’t looking for muscle mass.  But I could jump some rope.  I used to jump for 20 minutes during each workout, Ali style, fast, fast, fast.  I would jump in front of the mirrors to make sure my style was perfect.  Did I mention that I weighed 125lbs?  I also hated looking like a rookie.

I have always said that the outcome was nothing to dwell on….but you gotta look good while your doing it…whatever “it” is.  So I jumped rope and I looked good doing it.

This is what my calendar is for…my goal, to jump 1000 times a day.  But, there is that “minds eye” thing….holy cow……

The book I am reading suggests jumping 7 minutes, twice a day.  This seems perfectly reasonable to me.  Still, it took another 3 days for me to put my shoes on and pull my rope off the peg it had been hanging on for a long, long time.

I am thinking that in reality, I might be able to jump a couple of hundred times without passing out.  I HOPE I can jump at least a couple of hundred times without passing out.  I asked my husband to come outside with me and to bring a watch.  He looks at me all funny and says “why?”.  I explain that I am going to start jumping again and I need him out there for support and to pick me up when I pass out.  I am being real with myself by now.

Seven minutes…I start thinking about all of those parables about time.  Is 5 minutes long?  no..hold this 50 pound weight straight out with one arm for 5 minutes.  Is 2 minutes long?  no….hold your breathe for 2 minutes…you know, those parables about time.  I am not stupid.  I know that I will not make it to 7 minutes on day one but I had to start.

OMG….I could not jump for 30 seconds in a row…by one minute, we were both laughing at my efforts, two minutes and I struggled to breath while trying to turn a rope that just would not work correctly.  Finally at 3 and a half minutes, my husband asked if I was done for the day.  YES!  I had to put on the sports rub after I finally caught my breath again.

I knew that I was out of shape but what never entered my mind was my body’s complete lack of cooperation.  How can a person forget how to jump with both feet at the same time?  My legs felt like lead.   I could not have alternated my feet if I wanted too, I tried, my legs just laughed at me too.

I jumped again this morning.  I still only jumped 3.5 minutes…..but I jumped.  I was counting, and several times jumped 25 times or more before messing up.  I jumped again this evening.  I jumped most of 4 minutes.  This time I really did almost pass out and only my Huskie was watching, she doesn’t even care and would have just let me lay on the patio until I regained consciousness.

Tomorrow morning will be my test.  I have to get up and leave for work earlier, my knees are feeling the stress.  Yes, I used more sport rub tonight.  I am supposed to drink the green sludge before I jump….wow.

First, I master the seven minute workout, then I get this drink down in less than and hour, and finally, I add just enough jumps to meet my goal of 1000 per day…like I said, 55 is hard work.

 

 

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Contemplation, getting in shape, Life, Me, Native American Women, Writing

Lost and Found Again

I work very hard at knowing myself.  Looking into all the nooks and crannies can be tedious at best and scary most of the time.  But there are times when I let myself get worn down and suddenly I find that I am empty.

It’s not the good empty when you release all your stress and can sleep soundly again.  It’s the empty that you feel right before you realize that depression is the next stage of your digression.  It’s not a comfortable feeling.  I don’t like it.

Then, as it has happened so many times before, the miracle to wake me up and help me focus again.

I was talking to my nephew on the phone last night.  He and I have stressful jobs in social services.  We compare our days and make our jokes and dream of winning the lottery so we can leave our stressful jobs behind.  I confessed that I have not written anything in months, no blogs, no stories, nothing.  Then the magical words, the miracle…”Auntie, you have to recommit”…simple, easy.  He excitedly told me of his newest writing project and let me know how much I would love to meet the elder he is working with and added that he had to do the same thing…recommit.  He sits down every day to write…even if  he only gets in 10 minutes a day.  Our normal hour and a half conversation was cut short as it was getting very late and he still needed to get his writing done.

I was exhausted last night when we spoke so I didn’t write then.  Today I wrote some reports and sent some faxes and made some phone calls.  These things are never done.  There will always be reports to write but this is not the style of writing that I like to do.  So tonight before I go to bed, as tomorrow promises to be as crazy busy as the days of the past couple of months, I will write.   I will be happy that I took the time to sit and let the words flow even if it was just for a little while.

I took the 21 in 21 Challenge this month, to walk 21 miles in 21 days.  A nice way to help rebuild that walking habit.  I wrote at least one report I was behind in each day.  I cleaned a spot in my house that I haven’t cleaned as faithfully as I should.  This ‘recommit’ theme seems more of a command than a suggestion for me.  I’m a life coach, I notice those kinds of patterns.

I am less frustrated with me now.  I am beginning to feel purpose again.  I will probably still only blog a couple of times each month but my stories will start making progress again.  Even as I write tonight, new aspects of the stories coalesce where only fog was present before.  Artwork that I need begins to seem ‘not impossible’.  The emptiness is filling up.

Thanks nephew for saying the things you are supposed to say!

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getting in shape, Life, Me, Native American Women

Not very Brave

I had hoped that by this day I would be 1) a non-smoker and 2) could swim a mile without stopping. Here is where I am-can’t claim either. Is that sad?

I was talking to a friend and we were discussing her life and her life choices. She said “I wish I was strong enough, maybe someday I will be that strong”. I told her then that she was strong enough, she proved that everyday. She was a divorced mother of two, raising her babies without any help at all from her ex. That she had strength and she exhibited plenty of it, everyday. I said “what you need is to be brave”…brave enough to tell him (her ex) NO when she needed to. Like when he showed up on her doorstep unannounced and started telling her how everything was going to be. She was very happy with me for telling her she was strong and decided that being brave was something she could definitely work on.

This is, I have decided, where I am as well. The first of the year came around and for a week prior I was thinking about how I was not going to buy cigs anymore. Then the actual 1st came up and I did not stop smoking. I know that this is so bad for me. I know that if I could expand my lungs a bit further I could accomplish a bit more, physically. I have the strength required for the commitment, I lack the bravery required to actually stop. What will I do when I think I need to smoke? What will I do with my hands? How much more will I eat when I can no longer hold that cigarette between my fingers? These are not hard questions…just a little scary when I get to the nitty-gritty of actually getting things done.

I also had decided that since I ended the year able to swim 1/2 mile without stopping that if I kept at it, by the time my birthday came around (end of January) I should be able to swim an entire mile (70 lengths of the pool) without stopping. I had my schedule all mapped out on the calendar. I would swim every Monday, Wednesday and Friday and keep adding a few laps each week and…ta-da…by the end of the month….goal accomplished. But work has been constant and I am far enough behind that it is just too easy to use it as an excuse to not leave my house to head to the pool. Then I actually made it to the pool one day this week, mistimed “open lap” by 30 minutes and did not bring any regular workout clothing with me. I decided just to take a shower, head upstairs and hang upside down on the inversion table for a few minutes. I totally counted it as a full workout seeing how I took my gym bag to the gym and changed clothes during that time. Needless to say, I have not increased the number of laps I can swim.

I have to admit, I am disappointed in myself. I have managed to almost get caught up with my paperwork for my job but not to get my personal goals one step closer to ideal. I will be 52 at the end of January. I thought about this stuff all day today. It is almost midnight (EST) and I am just finishing up my work for the day. At some point I will have to be brave enough to make me my number one priority.

This is something that I can actually work on….

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getting in shape, Life, Me

Got It!…Muscle Confusion

OK, so now I get it.  I listened to the workout guru try to explain how beneficial muscle confusion is to my body.  I wonder every now and then if it really works.  I wonder also if runners use this technique to help in their own training. 

Last week I started (or restarted) my own training to be a runner (once again).  I started the week walking about 4.5 miles in two days and then incorporated some running-finishing out the week with a total of 9 miles under my belt.  My muscles….totally confused.  At first there was much yelling and screaming and out right refusing to move then by day four all my muscles were beginning to get with the program.  I had even started developing a real “like” of getting out there and walking.  A “like” of how the gravel felt as it crunched under my foot each time I advanced as I ran.  My body was beginning to remember how it felt to move fluidly.

Then Friday came and I didn’t even get home from my busy day until dark.  I do not run in the forest after dark (monsters) so I decided that it was a good day to rest.  I woke up Saturday morning still feeling “OK”.  I don’t know about you but summer weekends for me are action packed and it was Sunday night and I was still not home from busyness. 

My muscles were confused again.

It is now Monday night.  I have sent several reports to the “powers-that-be” and I have eaten my dinner and even had some dessert but it is dark again.  I am starting to feel a little guilty about not running.  I have read from expert runners that this feeling of guilt is quite normal and I actually feel good about that.

Tomorrow I do not have to be on the road so I will start again.  Tomorrow I have so much work to do but I will start again.  Tomorrow my muscles will again be confused about what the hell I am expecting them to do.  I am hoping that this will not become the normal pattern, four days of working out and then four days of not working out.  No matter how confused, I think my muscles will just stay in revolt and this is not my goal.  It is hard enough to think about trying to keep my feet moving for thirteen miles, hard enough to keep that mental picture of me succeeding getting up those killer hills, hard enough to fight those nicotine cravings without fighting my muscles who don’t like being quite so confused each week.

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getting in shape, Me

One small step?

OK, I did it.  I ran.  I didn’t die…I’m happy about that.  It started this morning.  My dog decided not to hear me calling his name so I ran across the backyard barefoot to intercept him before he was so far gone I would have to jump into the van and drive to the neighbors to retrieve him….again.  My legs felt good and I wasn’t too winded.

After a full day of driving and meetings and some paperwork as I let the sun be overtaken by some clouds and it was cool enough to breath before I gave it a go.  I have been walking.  My running route is 4 miles in total but I haven’t even walked that distance yet.  I did make it 3 miles walking one day.  I suppose I am being a bit overconfident but I figure I have to try sometime, huh?

Still working on the quitting smoking part.  I decided to stop smoking about 20 minutes before I leave and wait at least 30 minutes afterwards.

I found my ear buds for my ipod.  I guess really I ran out of excuses not to try to run again.

My dog has been walking with me, he likes to be on the walks and he is grounded for life for running off to the neighbors and staying gone for 6 hours whereby causing me some serious worry.  He is a little guy and there are many, many monsters in the woods these days.  He is just the right size for coyote food and eagle food and probably hawk food.  So now he walks with me for his exercise rather than run the neighborhood.  Like I said, he likes the walks but he misses getting to be loose and on his own.

When I started actually running he gave me that sideways look he gives me when he just knows for sure I don’t know what the hell I am doing….I get that look a lot.

We walked the first 3/4 of a mile, listening to music and watching for monsters.  Then I stopped and turned around and started actually running.  Now I didn’t run the entire way home…no, just running off and on for the return trip.  But I ran…I didn’t jog, I didn’t walk fast…I ran.  The weather is just summer hot….temp around 95 (89 in the shade) and the humidity hovers around 99%.  Sweat is pouring from every pore on my body and I feel good.  When I did run (35 years ago), I ran in the heat of the Texas summer…East Texas, so the weather was about the same and I have to admit, I smiled as I chugged along today with that memory fresh in my head.

My guess is that tomorrow I will not be able to repeat todays’ performance.  If memory serves me right… I will spend the day whining about how much my shins hurt.

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