Category Archives: Contemplation

Contemplation, Me, Native American Women

My Great Golfing Adventure…Not!

Overall I have to say that I am happy with me. I have done things that I wanted to do. I have tried things that scared me and survived to tell the tales of my adventures. There are things that I would still like to try and lessons yet to be learned. I have declined some adventures because some lessons can be learned from watching others. Whether they fail or succeed I can learn just fine from here, thank you very much.

But there is one adventure I have yet to take and somebody is going to have to explain the draw to me. I mean, I feel it, I really do. There is something peaceful in the watching and I do like that but there is something else and I cannot explain it, yet. I do feel, however, that this is an adventure that I cannot take alone. I can see that it is possible to walk those links alone but you never see a lone person whacking away at that little ball. At least I never see a lone person whacking away at a little ball.

There are men and women who participate, there are all colors of people who love this game, age does not seem to be an issue so I am confident that I would not be out of place. But when? Who? Where? I am getting impatient waiting on someone to take me golfing. I have my own clubs thanks to a dear friend who decided that his career of walking the greens was over. He said, “we are about the same height so these will work for you just fine”. He was right, the clubs fit me perfectly. My golf bag is not fancy, not pink, not new, but it is functional. My son-in-law, excited that I wanted to learn bought me all kinds of tees and yes, pink balls. I have a glove that fits my hand. I even have a girlfriend who has volunteered to drive the cart around, as she has no desire to actually golf she just wants to be part of the adventure.

Three summers have come and gone and still those clubs sit in my closet. I am getting discouraged. Am I wrong? Should I go alone? Is it socially acceptable for a lone person who has no clue to show up at some community course and “just do it”? I’m not feeling that. I think I am supposed to be part of a group, at the very least, of a twosome.

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Contemplation, Life, Me, Native American Women

Skeins of Life

I wish that crocheting really was relaxing. I sit down with a skein of yarn and I dream of big things…pretty things…useful things. Truth be told, I know one stitch. The “granny square”. It’s a cool stitch to be sure but there are times when I would like to crochet a different pattern.

Rather than lament about my inability I will be glad that I can work that granny square into some pretty awesome afghans given all the modern colors they can do yarn in these days.

I listen to other women talk about how relaxing it is to sit and crochet. It is not so for me. I don’t know why but I attack the yarn, crochet hook in hand, with that same attitude I attack most projects I get involved in….keep going until it is done. My shoulders are a bunched mess of muscle, my fingers ache from holding the crochet hook in one hand that the yarn in the other. My eyes burn from keeping careful watch on the number of stitches I am whipping up as I go.

I took up some old broken tile that needs to be replaced to day, I walked two miles, I cooked three meals, I folded some canvas tarps that needed to be folded (those suckers are heavy) and I did dishes that equaled the cooking I did. After all of these chores were done I could finally sit down and had a chance to relax….but nooOOOooo.

Why do I crochet then? Good question. I like the yarn. I feel the challenge calling after I have taken a skein and rolled it into a ball. Giant-ass ball of yarn staring at me, daring me to make it into something.

I think all of my kids have afghans now, probably most of my grandkids and both of my dogs. I don’t know who needs this afghan but it will be here when the new owner walks into my house. I will feel good when it is done. I will know that I met the challenge thrown out to me. I will have used my talents to the best of my ability…limited as they are. It’s a granny thing, I hear……the making of afghans.

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Contemplation, Life, Native American Women

Mirror, mirror…

I found out that a young man I know will spend the next 45 years of his life in prison. I am troubled. My exact words to another friend was “I hate seeing our young men suffer so much”.

I understand the penalty for the crime. I understand why a crime like this was committed. I understand why supporters of this young man are so very upset. These are not my problem, these things I understand.

I have said to more than one person, do not take anything I tell you as gospel. Take everything I tell you to prayer. Ask God, ask Him is I am right. Ask Him if I am telling you the truth. I say this to people because most people have become so very lazy, so much like sheep….just following along with what everyone else is doing without thinking for themselves. I find this to be troubling, to say the least.

My problem is trying to understand why our young men choose to suffer so much when it is needless. There are choices to be made and all choices you make bear consequences you must pay. Some choices are easy and some choices are right. Unfortunately the easy choice is not always the right choice. Often times the right choice is most difficult and that’s where the thinking ends, no further exploration of consequences. The end result? Rarely is it the happy ending you were hoping for.

My next question was “what can we do to help?”. My friend said, “I wish prayer was the answer”. I liked that answer, he was honest. Prayer obviously is not “the answer”. if it were then all of our friends and family would be happy and healthy and rich and full of life. There is a missing key, I think.

Yes, you know what I am going to say….making the right choice. That part is on you. I know that if I want my life to be happy, if I want to be healthy then I must make those choices that end in those consequences. If I want a different end then those things I mentioned then all I have to do is make different choices. So simple. Please notice that I did not say ‘so easy’….because it is not.

I told my friend that there was one thing we could do immediately and consistently and that is to be an example of not suffering so looks like. Be an example to others of what making good choices looks like. Be the mirror for someone who is looking for that one person who is not paying consequences of bad decisions.

The good thing about being a willing example is that it does not mean you are perfect or that you think you are perfect. It simply means that you are ok with others looking closely at your life (today, not your past life) and seeing that you are making choices that bear consequences you are proud to bear.

I cannot make choices for you, as much as you would like for that to happen. I cannot bear consequences caused by your bad choices, those are yours to own. But I will be an example that you can look at when you wonder what happens if you make the right choice over the easy choice. I will continue to pray for you so that as you make your choices you know that you are not alone when facing those hard choices.

I know that I am not perfect and I am just fine with that assessment of me but I do like what I see when I look into my mirror.

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